16 Dec ‘Tis the Season to Be Jolly
Since 1988, when I first began counseling couples, families and individuals, I have noticed an interesting holiday phenomenon: people often call for appointments, desperate for help dealing with the stress and distress associated with “the most wonderful time of the year”. But I also saw that most of these emergency appointments would not be kept; clients apologized and explained that they were “just too stressed out” to make it to the office.
Research and your own observations make it clear that the holiday season—beginning with Halloween an ending just after New Year’s—is a time in which many good people become overwhelmed with anxiety and depression. They become distressed as they try to create the perfect holiday experience for those they love, then become discouraged that it didn’t meet up to their expectations or what they saw on Facebook.
Substance abuse increases considerably during the holiday season. If not for my religion’s health code I may have turned to drinking myself after watching two months of commercials for all the toys my children just had to have. I must admit to getting discouraged as I reacted to the message that I would be letting my family down if I did not purchase just the right gifts and plan just the right vacations for Christmas.
In our community prescription medication is prescribed more and abused more, for similar reasons. I recently heard one local medical professional refer to the antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications prescribed as “Mormon beer”.
Tragically, there is also an increase in temptation to harm oneself—even take one’s own life—during this time of year. How terribly ironic that these conditions result from misdirected efforts to celebrate events intended to bring joy.
Here are a few suggestions for helping to reduce unnecessary stress and enjoy the season a little bit more.
KISS: Keep It Simple, Silly. (I took a small liberty with that phrase.) If the Son of God can be born in a humble manger, can’t we celebrate his birth in kind? Despite the silly traditions of those around us, wouldn’t it make sense to find simple, inexpensive ways to enjoy quiet time together? Sip cider, sing songs, bake together, bundle up and tell the neighbors why you like them—even if you don’t have any goodies to give them.
And while we are on the KISS theme, maybe we should spend more time doing just that. Our families would love more direct, unmistakable expressions of love and affection.
Give of yourself, and don’t go into debt while doing it. Most of the stuff we purchase will be used up, broken, lost and forgotten. The gifts that last the longest and run the deepest are those small gifts of yourself. Carve or paint an ornament. Draw a Christmas card. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be a perfect present.
Give up planning the perfect event. You can’t plan joy or fun anymore than you can spontaneity. They tend to sneak up on us while we are engaged right where we are without any such expectations. Instead of expecting a perfect event—and then being disappointed when it doesn’t happen that way—plan time and take time with those you care about, simply engaging with them. D
Once again, make it unmistakably clear to your loved ones that you do love them. Say it. Show it. Feel it.
Remember the reason for the season. It may sound cliché, but sometimes clichés are “spot on”. This is a time to celebrate the fact that a child was born into this world to change it. But the changes associated with Christ’s birth come from the inside, out. Jesus Christ did not change the world. Rather he helped to change our hearts so we could have a different experience in the world.
It is not too late this season to stop and consider small changes you can make in how you observe it. Keep it simple. Express love clearly. Give of yourself. Enjoy simple moments. Remember the reason for the season.
I am not trying to work my way out of a job, but my joy would be greater as well to see good people enjoying themselves—and one another—more by taking a few simple steps.