21 Nov A Year of Living (Sort of) Dangerously!
“Living Danishly” got me thinking
I recently finished a good read, A Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell. The title is a play on the title of the 1982 adventure-romance film A Year of Living Dangerously. Having lived for a time in Denmark I was excited to see the authors discoveries about what it was like to leave a common life in London to build a (temporary) new life in Denmark while her husband worked as an engineer for the LEGO company. They had some great adventures together–not the kind that risk life, but create deeper and richer life.
I was drawn to the book by it’s subtitle: Uncovering the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country. As an experienced psychotherapist I am always excited to learn principles and practices that can help people to enjoy more happiness. Also, having had my own life-changing–even mind-bending–experiences in Denmark, I was curious to see how much Russell’s experiences and observations lined up with my own.
A Year of Living Danishly was a fun exploration of how people can grow if they are open to it. They encountered a new language; though Dane’s are remarkably capable in English, understanding Danish language often leans to understanding Danish thinking. Eating the bland-but-healthy food changed their sense of what is fulfilling. (Danish pastries are another thing entirely! They have forever altered my idea of what is delicious.) Walking, cycling and being out in the coldest possible weather changed how they saw comfort and the joy of being uncomfortable.
My seventeen months in Denmark had all of those affects on me and more. I’m sad to say that I’d lost track of some of those joys as I settled back into life in Utah, California and Idaho in the years since my own Danish adventure, and I am reclaiming some of them now.
It got me thinking more about the way my young adult patients and students desperately yearn for adventure, while avoiding it like the plague.
What is adventure? Why do we crave it?
I think of adventure as any activity that takes us outside of what is familiar and without risk. Adventure can be learning a new skill where there is a possibility of making significant mistakes. It can be intentionally pursuing relationships with the risk of rejection, even heartbreak. I am on an adventure when I undertake a significant project that is likely not to turn out as I hope it will. Making a change in lifestyle that is difficult while promising to improve my life is an adventure.
A surprising trend developed in the western world a couple of decades ago, but really ramped up with the advent and growth of social media. Young adults plan and share their adventures enthusiastically–hiking in Iceland, ziplining in Costa Rica, sightseeing in a distant city, camping in the wilderness. It is not that no one ever dreamed of doing those things before; some people engaged in them and told others about it. But now we have a ready way of posting it for all of our friends and family to see.
Adventuring creates a sense of urgency. Pulse and breathing increase as we take chances, do something new. We expand our vision and sense of what is meaningful without relying on psychedelics to force a change in perspectives.
We feel more alive. Because we are actually living, experiencing what life is made of.
When we take reasonable risks to accomplish something of great value we are putting ourselves in a place where we can grow. And I think we are designed to grow well past our teenage years, maybe into eternity.
Why and how we avoid the risks that would pay off the most
We often stop ourselves from doing things when we tell ourselves the outcome we fear is greater than the benefit we would receive if we continued. Often people develop the habit of halting their plans when they begin to sense anxiety. (Anxiety is, by the way, a natural, normal, healthy response to a perception of danger. More on that later.)
For example, good people often delay or avoid the very things that could lead to the greatest growth and joy. The average age at which a young person marries in the United States of Europe is 28 for women and almost 31 for men. People often avoid having children until well into their 30’s and 40’s, beyond the fertile years of a woman’s life. Yet most people will acknowledge that their greatest aspirations and their greatest sources of joy are their families.
Recent research demonstrates that it is not a lack of desire, but a lack of confidence and lack of experienced-based skills that keeps young American adults from actively pursuing what they want most–marriage and family.
It is tragic that so many people are avoiding or delaying the very things that would be their greatest sources of joy and personal growth.
I need to take some risks, to live “dangerously”
I am not talking about mid-life crisis. I already have the Harley Davidson super cruiser and a beautiful wife. So that is not what I’m talking about.
But I’ve long had a tendency to put off doing big things where there is a good chance of reward, when I see there is also a big chance of me goofing it up. I have a list of projects I’ve begun and then dropped, or have avoided entirely because I see how I might foul up along the way.
In 2026 I will face my fears, take chances and do the following:
- Build a set of bookcases with a dear friend, who also happens to be a master woodworker and furniture builder!
- Change eating, exercise and lifestyle habits to lose 40 pounds.
- Build a wooden sailboat, and learn to sail.
- Finish my 5,000-pund brick pizza oven in the back yard.
- Create a series of short YouTube videos about dating and marriage preparation: Mating in a Minute
- Go camping with my wife in uncomfortable weather.
- Read at least one novel by authors my adult children love. (I know, it should not be so hard, but it is for me!)
- Plan a trip to Italy, and learn enough Italian to be get to know others in their native language.
- Learn to play the guitar well enough to play two songs for someone I admire.
- Create an online course for people wanting to get over being angry or irritable: Peeved to Peace in 7 Weeks
- I will write regularly to keep myself on track and to share lessons learned along the way.
Why these items? Why would I call these adventures worth pursuing?
In short, because each one of them scares me to death! They are all things that have potential to build meaningful relationships, including family as well as friends and neighbors. They will help me to clear out my to-do list, my garage and my head.
It is also to help me have greater empathy, compassion and credibility in helping patients, clients and students who likewise struggle moving forward on things that matter to them, including relationships.
I am also working on some more personal, relationship oriented goals that involve others and would not be worthwhile to place here. But I might share lessons learned along the way.
I have already begun…
I am lucky enough to have a great friend who builds beautiful furniture and has taught others to do so for decades. He was kind enough to reach out to me to get started with the bookcases I’ve avoided for years. Those are currently under construction and that has been quite an adventure for me!
I also began some of the lifestyle changes and I have dropped about 10 pounds so far.
…and will power through them all…
I commit right here and now to complete these items from the list. You can be an accountability partner, but also learn along with me.
…even if/when I fail.
I have accepted that many, if not all, of these projects will not turn out the way I’d like them to. That is precisely why I’ve not followed through before, why I have dragged my feet. I don’t want them to come out less that I hope. I have avoided the chance of failing by avoiding the tasks, the adventure.
In fact, I expect some big failures. But my life is not on the line, just my ego. And if I’m willing to surrender my ego to bless the lives of others as well as my own, then it will be worth it.
Join me! Learn to overcome anxiety!
In this blog I’ll share experiences. This won’t be a social-media-brag-blog. It will be a place to learn more about growing and facing fears that get in our way.
I’ll share professional observations as well as personal. I’ll share research and self treatment information to help encourage you and the people you love. With luck I’ll be able to help you make significant moves toward what matters most to you, so you don’t have to hold yourself back from what would bring you job.
Please check in with me regularly to learn more and to grow more. Please post your comments and questions; I promise to respond.
Welcome to adventure!
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